Fear Food Feats: Vegan Papa John's Pizza
BIG grins for my first BIG forbidden food challenge (I mean, I don't think anybody would wanna read a review on potatoes...). I could have kick started fear food exposure gently but oh no ... I belly flopped right into the deep end with this one!
Restricting specific foods & omitting certain food groups means we'll intensely grieve & crave the tastes, textures & nutritional substance of the grub we're avoiding. But for me, of course I missed the flavours, but I really longed for the other joys we find in food ~ the experiences, the people, the memories.
One of my favourite things to do before EDna completely took the wheel was scoffing with my sister. #SistersWhoScoff! I'd be SO excited for nights when we were on our own because it'd always mean one thing & one thing only ... films, boxsets, laughs & takeaways in our jammies ~ loafing on the couch & winding Pablo up.
Tasting flavours I'd forgotten existed is truly sensational but often trails into EDna's lair of shame & guilt. I wanted to curb feeling these emotions afterwards & one way to do that is by savouring the whole experience ~ eating mindfully, enjoying all the food's senses as well as the wider backdrop! Bethan always makes me feel completely relaxed around eating ~ I truly couldn't do it without her.
here it is...
When I said I pushed the boat out, I pushed it way out. I only & went & ordered 3 extra toppings! My customised order was ...
Vegan Sheese ® Garden Party (red onions, green peppers, fresh toms, sweetcorn, shrooms) on original crust
with ADDED ... vegan Frankfurters, black olives & pineapple!
& not forgetting the famous special garlic dip (vegan heaven, I assure you)
It ending up costing me an arm & a leg but...
anorexia saves you a-lotta-dosh, really
I restrict spending as I restrict food but I am worthy of enjoyment ~ where's the shame in splashing cash on happiness?
& finally, I tell you now, my arms & legs need all the grub they can get!
the low-down
First off, let's talk about what often gets forgotten but there wouldn't be pizza without it. The base. So unbelievably fluffy & doughy ~ not too crispy to take away topping textures & not too deep pan to make it all a bit stodgy.
Onto Papa's much-hyped vegan sausage. Their ketchup base & NY mustard topped Vegan Hot Dog pizza sounds a little sweet for me so I added the dogs to my Garden Party! Funnily enough, I'd been craving Frankfurters all week after Bethan boiled some up & oh my Lord, they tasted & smelled like the real deal ~ so smoky & such a convincing texture. The non-vegan thought so too ~ after Pablo literally jumped in & snaffled the slice I was passing to her. I'm not sure he felt the same...
I've only ever tried a handful of plant cheeses & Sheese was so different to all the others. I'm not sure I'd opt for it away from pizza but it was perfect for Papa's! Not at all rubbery but creamy & moreish. A Margherita would have been too sickly but all veg on my pizza meant the amount was just right!
EDna truly convinced me that I disliked faux animal products so it was bizarre but such an exciting game changer to realise that I actually love them! Veg will always be my first love though & I was very happy the veggies & fruit (yes, pineapple belongs on pizza) tasted fresh & juicy. Lots of colour too!
But what really stole the show wasn't even on the pizza. Papa's famous special garlic dip threw a spanner in the works ~ why have I never dunked takeaway pizza in sauce before?! It was both garlic-y and creamy! A little ironic that we were watching What We Do in the Shadows while I freaked out over garlic dip & Bethan was chomping on garlic bread. Apparently you can buy gallons of the stuff...
scrapping with EDna
On ordering Papa's, I felt huge thrill but also mega apprehension. How would EDna behave?
My main worry was, as with every food I omit, I'd eat it all immediately & uncontrollably with 0 consciousness whatsover. Then feel immense guilt. A subjective binge. This last supper mentality is a MASSIVE fear of mine but I'm learning that it really doesn't matter too much if I eat frantically ~ my bod & brain are starving & paranoid that EDna will soon axe this new food supply! No wonder I wanna wolf grub down!
Not to blow my own trumpet but guess who ate mindfully at their own pace? I savoured the tastes ~ acknowledged the food's senses ~ embraced Cassie's (not EDna's) thoughts ~ paused when I was a bit pizza-ed out ~ understood if I didn't want to finish it all, it wasn't going anywhere!
It doesn't matter that Bethan ordered from a different takeaway. It also doesn't matter that she didn't fancy extra toppings or dips. Neither does it matter that I was chomping on my 2nd slice by the time her delivery arrived. Nor does it matter that she saved some for the next day & I finished mine.
Our guts, bods & brains are all so unique. My starved mind~body~soul needs a truck load more nosh to physically & mentally recover from prolonged punishment! It would never cross my mind to shame any other soul for nourishing themselves. Time for EDna to give it a rest & learn that I'm no different.
To be able to eat guilt-free & not hold any food on a special pedestal, we have to treat all grub equally & honour our hunger... this means challenge repeat! It's too easy to say 'yep, that's pizza out the way' & pretend everything is hunky-dory. Facing our fears only once doesn't make them fade. So, when I'm back home, I'll 100% be ordering Papa's again & this time hopefully try the Sheese & Marmite Scrolls!
Thank you for reading this far & dipping into what is such a blissful memory for me. EDna's overpoweing orthorexic tendencies have tried to rain on my smiles by shaming me for veering from platefuls of veggies. Overcoming urges to compensate through exercise, restriction & laxative abuse is so bloody difficult.
But no food is 'junk food'. Our bods aren't rubbish bins. They eat junk, not us! I keep on repeating to myself...
"My Papa's was a nutritious & delish meal in a soon-to-be balanced diet"
in a nutshell...
↠ spot: Papa John's Pizza
↠ dosh: £17.59 & unashamed! They have MAJOR discounts on bigger pizzas/£20+ orders
↠ vibe: in the reassuring embrace of my armchair, in the comfort of my own home
↠ vegan options: 4/5 ~ maybe some different cheeses?
↠ planet friendly: 2/5 ~ recyclable boxes (still not great, I know) & ethically-sourced, non-GMO Sheese but delivered by car (unfortunately, it's a bit too far for me to walk!)
↠ scores on the doors: 8/10 ~ truly mouth-watering
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